Friday, May 20, 2011

Losing a Child

I am not doing well.  Every day I am the ocean with waves knocking me about.  And I can't breathe.  I am held in place by anger that wants me to die in my son's place.  Simple every day things elude me and feel so senseless.  I have great Faith in God and am trying to let this happen so it will get easier.  When does it get easier?  Dear Mother and Father God, know that I am desperate to see where Timothy is now and I need to know he is at peace. 
Please take me, take me.  I love all my sons so much and could have done an infinitely better job of raising them.  I need to know that my son is at Peace. 
I am learning the lesson, "Not my will, but Thine."  It hurts it hurts so much.

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