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Wednesday, July 01, 2009

This fine girl is a doll made for my granddaughter Tegan.
She looks just like my granddaughter (except Tegan's hair is straight
and not banana curly). I had so much fun that year making up dolls
for the granddaughters. I made a Cinderella for Emma. I love creating
little "people" for little people!!
Today is Tired Day. My son Shawn has hurt my heart for a very long time. I think that anything I did in the past (although I don't know what it is because he hasn't talked to me in ages) has been overpaid and I am tired of being talked to like I was nothing. Shawn asked that I no longer email him because I shared with my whole family a prayer from Billy Graham and also pics of rare and beautiful things. He said he will never open another email from me and that if he wants to know "my" God that he will look for him. So I thought very carefully about what to say to him and left him a message on his phone (he has not returned nor answered my phone calls in years) telling that "I love you Shawn but I am very tired of having my heart hurt. I have had enough. I told him that the things I sent him were not "ABOUT" him but rather a sharing of things I thought were pretty common sensical. Your family loves you and misses you. I Love you a lot." I tried to remain unemotional and I think I did well. It is so sad that he has separated himself from his family for so long. I can't control him and won't even try. I will just continue praying for him as I have done all along and craving that he will let me know him someday. I had to write about this or I could not get any peace ever again. I love that kid, Shawn. He is 38 years old and so beautiful, talented, and funny. I know there is so much more to him than that and I think he is a lot like me. I pray that Shawn will find peace and the ability to get close to another human being and feel trusting and worthy...Shawn IS worthy. He doesn't know me, just like I don't know him. What a sad state, God. (Please, God, some help here. Help Shawn to know peace and what Your Will is for him.)
On another note, I am listening to Harry's Big Ben/Westminster Chimes clock. It is beautiful == but loud!
I have been working on downloading FOs and designs from my picture CDs. It feels good to finally getting toward being organized in my files and patterns.
I ask a Blessing on everyone and that we all will be tuned in to God's Will for each of us. I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to grow in this life and learn and love people. I have come a long way. In my own small brain, I think that growing and learning in this life is the goal...but I would never second guess Heavenly Parents. Peace to all. I pray in Jesus name, Amen.

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