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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Nightmares and Fibromyalgia and PTSD


These are two floorcloths that I designed and painted. The first one was easy (done with lots of painter's tape for the lines), the second one is mostly freehand and I am not an artist but I love the results!! I had a craft room then.....

It has been a most horrible past two weeks. I guess Fibromites call it a "flare up." I don't know what it is but I have been living two lives: one in the day with trying to set up the RIDE program for doc's appts. and getting a Bus Pass to replace the sold car (couldn't afford the car insurance on disability--oh, well); and the other life is at night. After I go to sleep, I have nightmares on and on and on. When I was younger, I would wake up sweating, crying, and have to call someone to help "ground me." But now I just wake up, read a book, hold Bearli or Regan and brush them, or get on the computer knowing that I will not be able to sleep again. And I am ALWAYS and FOREVER tired. I get so tired I could fall down and I can't lay down because it hurts so I wait until night time and do my "Getting Ready to Sleep" campaign. I read a book for awhile, Drink some hot Ovaltine (yum. My favorite drink of all besides to-go stuff), make word and variety puzzles, and then play my handheld FreeCell Game (which has been WELL worth its value!!). And then I just hope sleep comes. I do have trazodone and sometimes use Tylenol PM, however, I hate doing that. Trazodone has a little "hangover" and I feel driftier than normal after I take it. Tylenol PM does help the pain and works occasionally.


So. Here I am, tired, wound up, and grouchy today and it was my day for an appt for a mammogram. I didn't anticipate it and am not afraid of them so things should have gone fine. However, I had the mammogram done and felt totally disoriented in my head and I had to sit down to focus. Then later I had weird pains hither and yon on my body. Bleah. The doctor once told me because of the arthritis (duo kinds) in the back of my neck/spine that I sometimes will have parasympathetic pain. And I think that is what happened. Don't know for sure but it was weird. I must have looked green because ppl kept asking me if I was alright. I told them I am fine. I was NOT about to go to the emergency room just because of a little "green tinged" skin. Hm. What do you think I am?? OLD???? Decrepit?? I am 62 and don't look a DAY over 61. So there.


We have been having sing-alongs downstaires in the community room two afternoons a week. It has been so much fun. Every once in awhile I let loose and act up. I love it. I remember so many of the songs. My hearing impairment doesn't do for me to learn new songs, however, my brain is ALL SET with the oldies and soft rock and 1940's, etc. Yeah!!!


I have been knitting and crocheting up a storm for the craft sale here that will be held Nov 7th. I also am still working on Christmas gifts. I want so much to make most of everything I give but that doesn't seem to be the case this year. I started off with a bang and then went steadily downhill. I got three out of six grandkids done. Not bad, I guess. Two of the grandkids I didn't finish I think is because they don't "appreciate" home made things and I kind of got logged down with that thought.


Please have a most blessed week. I love my sons and their families and want the best for them. I would love to hold them in the palm of my hand forever but that is not the way of life. I want to win the Lottery and give them each money for schooling, a house, new car, trust funds for their children, etc. etc. etc. Again, that is not life. But I can still fantasize, can't I???? Smile.

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