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Monday, June 15, 2009

Seeing the Truth

It is very difficult to look at the truth and accept it for yourself. It is even harder to admit it to other ppl.
The baby picture on the top of my blog is of me when I was a year old...it has been touched up and the colors deepened. My eyes are clear because I don't know the ways of the world yet. I was a good learner and my eyes became cloudy until I started looking at my life and accepting it. You know, it is a funny thing, I have always loved my parents and understood my father. No matter what they did. It took me awhile to understand my mother, though. My personality, genes, "equipment" I came to earth with all worked with my environment to help make me who I am. I am a fighter, a survivor, a funny person with a ready sense of humor, entertaining, compassionate, down-to-earth, spiritual. I have accepted that not everyone in the world will like me. And I can speak up for others or myself!
All that aside, the picture was taken when my family lived in Rockland MA with my Nana & Grandpa. The house was white, a duplex. My Nana's twin sister lived next door. Aunt Velma was exactly like my Nana except she was skinny. Nana was er um ah portly. ;-O Aunt Velma and her husband (can't remember his name at the moment) had two daughters: Lorraine, skinny and loud; and Betty, the baby, who was smart, appeared calm and nice. Our side of the house was always in an uproar. My Nana did not like my mother and showed it often. Nana was my favorite person but I could see that she was mean to my father and favored my Aunt Dotty (my father's sibling). The meanness came out in strange ways. My grandfather used to push my father into the closet off the kitchen for reasons my child's mind couldn't fathom. My father was a quiet man. He went to war (WWII) and had his arm shot off on the battlefield. He was in the Army as an infantryman for 6 years. I have the original wiregrams that were sent to my Nana. (Those and some for my Uncle Harold, one of Nana's 17 siblings...yes--her mother had 18 children!! 3 sets of boy twins, 1 set of girl twins, and 11 singles. Yikes!!) My father was a very very quiet man, as I've said before, and loved to play cribbage with his dad, Uncle Harold, Uncle Russell, and later, Uncle Leon.
At Christmas, my Nana went all out. The house was always decorated for a King. There was angel hair, bubbling ornaments, dolls, so many ornaments. It looked like a fairyland. We always went there for Christmas Day and to my other grandmother's the day before. (Grandma Stimpson's--Ruth Lyon Stimpson and Archibald Richard Stimpson--at least I think that was my grandfather's given name. That is another story.)
I have many cards that my grandfather gave to my Nana for birthdays, Mother's Day, etc., all of them signed "Your Friend, ELM." Interesting way to sign a card to someone that you have been married to for more than half your life. (E.L.M. stands for Ernest Lysander Monk--love that name Lysander!)
This post seems to be meandering and has no real point other than to put down in words my observations and thoughts.
I have finished Emma's sweater. It is Blocking as I write this. Yay. I have quite a few projects to catch up on and made a list to keep myself on a straight path. The pain today is not good and I am so very tired. I must think of another way to say that last sentence so it doesn't get boring. It is my life now and I accept it, however, I like to vent or talk about it occasionally. Does that mean I am whining?? ;-}
I am blessed. I have God on my side. I believe that God has two sides--female and male, OR there is two Gods in Heaven, one being the father figure and the other the mother figure. What makes me think that? Because, "...in the beginning, He created man and woman in His image..." So where did the image of woman come from if not from God?? Just a thought.

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